Cold Drips of Water

Taking care of a new born is exhausting. Every two to three hours, a mother needs to wake up, change the diaper, feed the infant, and rock her baby back to sleep. It’s so tiring that sometimes it’s not easy to wake up.

Last night at around 1 am, I was dreaming . . . I and a bunch of random young people were hiding from these terrible little creatures that can eat us alive. Somehow, they cannot climb or fly. To stay safe, we had to keep off the floor and hide ourselves. They were a pleasant group: one was a 20-something body builder, another was a petite lolita, and some ordinary kids and young adults including myself. I didn’t look like myself. As always, I was someone else . . .

Soon, these terrifying monsters found our hiding spot and were about to munch on me when suddenly, drips of cold water touched my lips and I woke up. I felt for the phantom water and even looked up at the ceiling, wondering if there’s a leak from the top floor. The ceiling was dry.

Then a chill down my spine made me shiver and a quick image of a being looking down on me formed in my mind. I shrugged it off.  The sound of my little baby shivering and whimpering next to me in bed, caught my attention.

I checked the time. It was time for her feeding. I hugged my little darling, kissed her on her forehead, wondering if maybe her guardian saved me from a nightmare and woke me for my daughter’s sake. If so, thank you. It was a little creepy, but thank you.

Ah, these beings . . . I can never really get used to them, although knowing they’re around is definitely reassuring. If it was indeed her guardian . . . I really hope so.

 

Of Babies and Dreams

On May 8th, 2018 I gave birth to my daughter. I already knew she was coming 5 years ago when I was about 2 to 3 months pregnant with my first child. Back then I didn’t know our first child’s gender, yet. I kept begging and yearning for a boy because I never had a baby brother. I kept whispering to my flat tummy, “Tell me your gender, little one! I want to know.”

So one night, I had a dream. There was this beautiful little girl curled up on a floor, and she spoke through my head saying, “don’t you want a girl?” I said, “No. I want a boy.” Soon she started shrinking and slowly turning in to a mummy. I was horrified.

“What’s happening?” I shrieked.

“Let me be born!” She begged. “Be my mother!” I started sobbing out of guilt. “But, but I want a son! I’m so sorry! Forgive me.” in desperate move to somehow save her, I shouted, “WAIT! If you can wait, I promise to give birth to you!”

“Then promise me! Promise you’ll give birth to me after him!” She pleaded as she lay dying. I frantically bobbed my head, tears flowing like a river down my face.

“I promise!” I swore. She dissolved into ashes and disappeared and I woke up with the most painful heartache, I’ve ever had.

I never told her when I’ll give birth to her. I was planning on having another baby next year, but I guess 5 years have been long enough. I told my mother I will have a daughter. She didn’t question me since I was right when I told her I was going to have a son.

You see, I also met my son in a dream after the Promise, before he was born, and before the doctor confirmed his gender. But that’s another story . . . I dedicate this entry to my lovely daughter. We met before you were born. You asked me to be your mother. Here I am and here you are. Let’s do our best.

 

 

With all my love,

 

Your mother Pam